Fifty And Rising

Stepping onto the path where the big five-oh awaits!

It’s my Birthday -I’m fifty. FIFTY! Fifty years old today.

I always take a few days off at the end of April to go inward. I reflect on the last year and dream ahead to what the next twelve months around the sun might look like. This year feels different than the rest. I’m seeing life through a new lens and my priorities are shifting.

Reinvention With Intention

There is something about milestone birthdays that force us into assessing where we are at and where we ought to be. Through conversations with women friends my age, I’m learning that many of us (it’s not just me!) take notice around birthdays of what needs to change and we set specific goals to do better going forward - a mini reinvention of ourselves so to speak. I started 2025 off with intention being my word of the year and am mindful of it each day. I fully intended for the first four months of this year to be busy. I signed up for a class to help further my career while still working at my two jobs and continued to volunteer while managing family life. I expected chaos and planned for it accordingly, including incorporating some (some) self-care strategies amidst it all to avoid burnout. (a girl needs a break here and there to re-charge!) By spring I knew I’d be ready to really slow things down though and am being intentional about that transition. I’m reclaiming time that was once allocated to other things and re-prioritizing. Rest. Relaxation. Travel. Re-igniting my social life. All of it. We as women are used to over planning, over thinking and over doing but by releasing some of that control, we can surrender to the now and become more present. Reinventing ourselves - there is rise in doing so. A lift that comes from letting go of who we think we need to be and instead ..just be. Showing up for ourselves intentionally is the greatest gift we can give to ourself.

Aging Ungracefully

Fifty brings with it an increased awareness about health. Perimenopause is in full swing and I find myself consuming all of the information I can sink my teeth into these days. (If you’re in the same boat I highly recommend following The Periprofessional - I have a paid subscription!) I attend events, webinars, listen to podcasts and read articles to educate myself on what the heck is happening within my body. (apparently it’s normal for women my age to sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies when getting out of bed - do we all really snap, crackle and pop now?!) Exercise feels like a chore with little to no visible results but I do it anyways because I know it’s good for me. I’m also struggling to embrace the gray hairs and wrinkles, but one thing at a time. I’ll get there.

Joy And Unhappiness - Harmonious!

I used to express the words joy and happiness interchangeably but with age I’ve come to view them very differently. Happiness, or unhappiness, is what surrounds us. The happenings around us can affect our happiness. They are often out of our control - the weather, certain financial situations, people’s behaviours, the temperature in a room, our working environment etc. We can plan to ease the burdens of these happenings, but we often do not have full control over them. Joy however, is created from within. It stems from gratitude and we have control over what we are grateful for. No one and no circumstance can rob us of our joy. In troubling times I tap into gratitude to feel my level of joy surge. There is so much to be grateful for - my family, watching the sun come up in the morning or set at night, a roof over my head with indoor plumbing and clean drinking water, the sight of bloomed flowers, the scent of fresh coffee brewing .. so many things. The effects of joyfulness helps us to bear unhappiness. Joy and unhappiness can co-exist. This knowing has been what has pulled me through the griefiest of days and the awareness has come with age. It’s true what they say - older and wiser.

The Swinging Pendulum Of Grittiness

These past few years have been a time of adaptation and settling. Post separation I moved out and lived on my own for the first time EVER. (my ex and I had lived together since we were twenty years old) It was scary to leave behind a life that had been built upon a partnership and have to learn to be single, but I did it. There was a shift in my identity because of my circumstances and I had to adapt. I’ve been in a constant state of sway since my move, like a pendulum swinging back and forth between feelings of fear, courage, stress, relief, sadness, happiness, power, defeat, chaos and more but always gravitating towards alignment. In some moments I found calm - a settling of sorts. Within that stillness I found myself again; a version of her anyways. She’s still a little weary, but more gritty than ever before.

Rise And Fall

As I reflect on the past and create intention for the future, I step onto the path that will navigate me through this fiftieth year. One of the most beautiful things about being fifty is that we have had opportunities to fall in our lifetime, and because of that we have learned to rise. And that I am again. Rising. Fifty ..and rising.