Grief In Perimenopause
We do not need to suffer in silence.
My childhood girlfriends and I are all turning 50 this year. (We refer to our group as the “Fab Five” ladies) Our eleven year old selves used to have sleepovers and talk about what it will be like to get our periods using “Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret” by Judy Blume as our guide. Here we are almost forty years later comparing peri symptoms and going to menopause shows calling it a Girls Day Out. Time really does fly. Last year, one of the girls had to have a Total Radical Hysterectomy, meaning they removed everything. Cervix. Ovaries. Everything. She had endured pain and agony for years so this was definitely the right decision for her. She had been coached about what to expect regarding the surgery itself, but hadn’t realized this meant immediate full blown menopause. In retrospect it makes sense, but there was no time to transition or research how to manage this sudden change, and with that came grief.
Perimenopausal symptoms not only cause us grief, but also amplify emotions related to grief that we may already be struggling with.
I had a conversation recently with a woman who had suffered multiple pregnancy losses by her mid thirties and before she was able to start the family she had been dreaming about, early menopause crept into her life. She continued to try using every resource she could afford, but each attempt failed her. She now deals not only with the grief of her losses but also the loss of the vision with a family she had created for herself. Every missed period has given her false hope of pregnancy and each month has only brought her another step closer towards menopause.
Grief is felt at some point in most women’s menopause journey. The way we experience our symptoms however may differ from one other and our grief surrounding it all is as individual as we are. Some of us will be grieving the period of transition that was taken by way of a hysterectomy. Some of us will be grieving the changes that are happening to our bodies because they move us further away from a family life we had envisioned for ourselves. Some of us will be grieving our pre perimenopausal days when we took predictably for granted, and some of us will feel grief from fear of what is yet to come on this path to menopause.
Talking about our peri symptoms allows us to acknowledge that what is happening is a normal part of aging and these conversations can aid in healing the grief we may feel from having to accept our reality. In knowledge there is power; when we know better, we can do better. Finding community while grieving during perimenopause helps us feel less isolated and spaces such as
and supports such a network. Keeping ourselves informed on women’s health is essential for our well being and allows us to connect with those who are having similar experiences.Let’s normalize grieving in perimenopause. We can reach out to our healthcare professionals for resources and therapy referrals, (I highly recommend booking a call with Diane !) follow experts like
online and be our own best advocates for obtaining the care we need to feel supported. Knowing we are not alone on this journey and having our grief validated along the way is heathy and healing. We do not need to suffer in silence. 💛
Thanks for the mention, Jennifer!
I was saddened to learn of your friend not being counseled on immediate menopause after surgery. It's understandable on her part as I'm sure she was so caught up with everything else but shame on her provider for not explaining it.
Grief is not just for dying; it's for living too. Grief can feel like a longing for something you can't have.
My peri experience started with grief. I went through the grieving process including denial (big time!), ANGER, wishful thinking, and sadness. These emotions were all jumbled together.
Grief came before acceptance ever could and is still a work in progress.
I wish I had your article to help me process all of this when I started in perimenopause. I appreciate your openness and the value that you bring to this discussion.