Thank you for sharing your account of Declan's stillbirth, Jennifer. I'm so sorry he died and I'm also sorry for your other losses.
My baby Otto was stillborn at full-term in 2000 and I recognise that feeling you describe of being somehow "beside myself" on learning that he had died in the womb. I was already in labour and was fortunate that my community midwife was at the hospital and could stay with me throughout. The hospital were as sensitive as possible, marking a teardrop symbol on my notes and on the door, so that any member of staff entering the room would know not to accidentally make an insensitive comment. But it is very hard being on a maternity ward in that situation.
I waited four years to have bereavement counselling. That was a turning point. You never forget, you never "get over" it, but talking about it helped me to reintegrate it with the rest of my life.
My first (living, healthy) granddaughter was born "en caul" and that was a surprise to everyone. It's very rare, as you say.
Thank you for your heartfelt words. I will keep baby Otto in my thoughts and add his name to my list of babies names I write in chalk on the path at my annual Walk To Remember. This is a club no one should have to be a part of but I’m so glad to have our community of support. Four years is a long time to be in isolation with your grief. Good for you for having the courage to seek support.
Congratulations on your granddaughter! New life brings so much joy. 💛
Thank you Sirah and I’m sorry that you have experienced heartache in a similar way. There’s a part in the film “Return To Zero” where Maggie talks about how no one tells us about the relationship we have with our babies after they’re gone ..and that resonated with me in a deeply personal way.
Oh, Jennifer, I'm so sorry for what I can imagine was the heaviest loss of your life. I'll be 19 weeks tomorrow and I can feel the weight of your story on my chest. My heart breaks for you and baby Declan and your family. It is a blessing you have been able to find some beauty here. Thank you so much for sharing your story. ❤️
I’m crying TOO!! Just watched your link and he actually announced that he doesn’t play it often but that it’s time and it might help someone. That is how I feel about sharing Declan’s story. Thank you for that version Alison! SUCH a beautiful song. I love the Hip too. I saw them a handful of times and took my kids to see them in concert a few times too. Canadian legends. 🎶
Ohh how divine! Thats one of the songs on the playlist I created for him! As I’m sure you know, because of the sorrow behind that song Gord didn’t play it live very often. I was at the Hamilton show, the last show before they played the final show in Kingston and I hoped they’d play it. I have been so mesmerized throughout the concert that I suddenly realized I hadn’t even taken out my phone yet to film any of the tunes. Sure enough as I pulled out my iPhone and pressed record. Fiddler’s Green began to play. I sobbed through the entire song. I have always changed the beginning lyrics to “December 17. For a girl I know it’s Mother’s Day” instead of September 17 because he was born on December 17th 💛
Thank you for sharing your account of Declan's stillbirth, Jennifer. I'm so sorry he died and I'm also sorry for your other losses.
My baby Otto was stillborn at full-term in 2000 and I recognise that feeling you describe of being somehow "beside myself" on learning that he had died in the womb. I was already in labour and was fortunate that my community midwife was at the hospital and could stay with me throughout. The hospital were as sensitive as possible, marking a teardrop symbol on my notes and on the door, so that any member of staff entering the room would know not to accidentally make an insensitive comment. But it is very hard being on a maternity ward in that situation.
I waited four years to have bereavement counselling. That was a turning point. You never forget, you never "get over" it, but talking about it helped me to reintegrate it with the rest of my life.
My first (living, healthy) granddaughter was born "en caul" and that was a surprise to everyone. It's very rare, as you say.
Thank you for your heartfelt words. I will keep baby Otto in my thoughts and add his name to my list of babies names I write in chalk on the path at my annual Walk To Remember. This is a club no one should have to be a part of but I’m so glad to have our community of support. Four years is a long time to be in isolation with your grief. Good for you for having the courage to seek support.
Congratulations on your granddaughter! New life brings so much joy. 💛
Thank you, Jennifer. I’ll read more of your thoughtful writing. Good to connect on here.
Thank you, and I’ve subscribed to you to read more of your work too! Very nice to cross paths with you here Wendy. 💛
Oh my goodness. Tears. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing ❤️ Will hold Declan in my thoughts today 🤍
Thank you for saying (typing) his name and keeping him in your thoughts. Means a lot to this mama 💛
Jennifer-your article is beautifully written with an authenticity to the incredible heartbreak you experienced.
I was struck by the date you buried Declan—I buried my daughter (8th month placental abruption→ stillbirth) 10 days before that.
I felt my world had stopped at that moment and here I am reading that someone else’s did too so close to it.
|" I feel his presence in everything I do"
I know this to be true for me too.
Thank you for sharing your brave story!
Ariyana - Beautiful! Thank you for sharing her name 💛
It’s a triggering film to watch but impactful.
Thank you Sirah and I’m sorry that you have experienced heartache in a similar way. There’s a part in the film “Return To Zero” where Maggie talks about how no one tells us about the relationship we have with our babies after they’re gone ..and that resonated with me in a deeply personal way.
May I ask if you named your daughter?
Thank you for your kind words.
Yes, her name was Ariyana.
I’ll have to check out that film.
Oh, Jennifer, I'm so sorry for what I can imagine was the heaviest loss of your life. I'll be 19 weeks tomorrow and I can feel the weight of your story on my chest. My heart breaks for you and baby Declan and your family. It is a blessing you have been able to find some beauty here. Thank you so much for sharing your story. ❤️
Thank you for your kind words Danielle. How very beautiful that you are carrying new life! There is nothing more precious. 💛
Found my recording! It’s not great quality but I captured it. And I felt Declan’s presence with me throughout it’s entirety 💛
https://youtu.be/hREi3nTZAps?feature=shared
I’m crying TOO!! Just watched your link and he actually announced that he doesn’t play it often but that it’s time and it might help someone. That is how I feel about sharing Declan’s story. Thank you for that version Alison! SUCH a beautiful song. I love the Hip too. I saw them a handful of times and took my kids to see them in concert a few times too. Canadian legends. 🎶
Ohh how divine! Thats one of the songs on the playlist I created for him! As I’m sure you know, because of the sorrow behind that song Gord didn’t play it live very often. I was at the Hamilton show, the last show before they played the final show in Kingston and I hoped they’d play it. I have been so mesmerized throughout the concert that I suddenly realized I hadn’t even taken out my phone yet to film any of the tunes. Sure enough as I pulled out my iPhone and pressed record. Fiddler’s Green began to play. I sobbed through the entire song. I have always changed the beginning lyrics to “December 17. For a girl I know it’s Mother’s Day” instead of September 17 because he was born on December 17th 💛